♫ Like a virgin, touched for the very first time! ♫

Okay. I only have 11 days left before I leave my country. And today, I went to the gym, then had my medical and laboratory exam.

This is going to be a.. sensitive and personal blog post and well.. you see, I'm documenting my last 2 weeks here in the Philippines and I just want to remember what happened on this day.

I went into the clinic with my mum and the clinic assistant there assisted me to what I'm going to do since I'll be having my medical and laboratory exam. It was okay at first. I was with the medical technologist, I gave him my urine specimen and he withdrew blood from me (of course) for the CBC, Hepa B and other tests which requires my blood. As usual, he checked for my brachial vein and he seemed to have a little problem because maybe my vein there is too small. Anyway, he tried it and no blood came out. He tried again by moving the needle in a different direction (but inside the "vein") but still, no blood came out. That just means that he didn't hit the vein. So he had to withdraw the needle from my skin and look for another vein. He chose the carpal veins. The veins at the back of our palms. My veins there are pretty visible and it would be easy to draw blood from there. And finally, he succeeded. :) It hurts a little, though. -_-

After that, mum and I ate and then we went back into the clinic afterwards. The clinic assistant told me that I still have one more test so I waited there. I know that the test's name is Gram Stain but I have no idea what the doctor will do to me. After about 5 minutes of waiting, they called me in to the examination room and the assistant put the gown over my clothes and told me to remove my pants and underwear. I was shocked and my face gave it away. She said it again and then I finally removed my pants and underwear. It was pretty awkward because the doctor was already in the examination room but what the hell.. he's a professional and so am I and I know how this works. After I removed them, I asked him (the doctor is a he!!!) what he's going to do. He told me that he's going to get secretions. Then my eyes flew over to the side and I saw a SPECULUM. A. VAGINAL. SPECULUM. And then I understood what's going to happen next. SO, I acted cool but deep inside I was panicking... a little. He and the assistant told me to lie down on the examination table/chair  or whatever you call it, and they draped me and waited for the speculum to cool down. After about 10 minutes, the procedure started. And holy crap. It fucking hurts!!! It can be seen by my facial expression. I'm a virgin so it is expected that my down there is still tight and my hymen is still intact. I actually felt my hymen tear when the doctor sort of forcefully pushed the speculum and it feels like I wanted to pee so baaaaaaad and it also hurts at the same time. I dugged my nails into the skin of my fingers. I usually do that whenever I know I'll experience something painful. But the pain of having something inserted into your vagina is greater. I looked at the assistant and she had the look of concern and support for me. It really hurts. And then I suddenly thought of having sex. And it kinda scares me now because well.. of what's been happening to me at that moment. But then I thought... you have to be really horny and wet to minimize the pain whilst having sex, right? And at that moment, I was not horny or wet so it's really painful. HAHA! Funny because I can still think about that while I'm in pain. Anyway.. I think it lasted for 3 minutes. After that, I bled. grah. It's because of my residual period. I had my period last week and..yeah.. I think it's from there because the doctor also asked me if I have my period now. After that, the assistant gave me tissue to wipe off the blood and it's a good thing that I'm a nurse. I didn't freak out because of the blood and it's as if nothing happened to me. After that, I put on my underwear and jeans and went out of the examination room. My mum asked me what happened and I told her "that speculum hurts!" She was shocked. She asked me if I was alright and I assured her that I am fine. She also asked me if I spread my legs. :)) It's actually a ridiculous question. How can the doctor insert the speculum if I don't spread my legs. HAHAHA! Anyway, after that I feel weird walking. Everything about my lower extremities feels weird. I don't even feel like I'm a virgin. HAHAHA.

So.. yeah. It's a very personal and sensitive and too much information post but.. my blog is my diary, alright. And as I've said, I want to remember my remaining 2 weeks here in my country. And.. if ever I do have sex, I won't be blogging about it. heh. That's just too much. :)) What I experienced today is just like having your first Brazilian Wax. :))

Now I'm going to eat dinner and then watch movies after. 

11 more days...

P.S.

It's kind of funny because yesterday, an old lady asked me what my number is (I blogged about it yesterday. Check my previous post). And today, I experienced having something inserted into your vagina and it's making me laugh. hahaha! It's a little 'related.' haha!

-F.M.W.

12 DAYS LEFT

It has been a very busy Wednesday for me. I woke up at 6am but I got up at 6:20ish. I was sooo sleepy but I had to get up because I had to renew my professional license as early as now.

I arrived at PRC at around 9am. I filled out the form, passed the requirements, pay the fees, had my picture taken and they told me that I can claim my renewed license at 1:30-2:00 pm. I finished processing my application at 9:30am. bugger! I thought I can claim it by 11am. Oh well. Anyway, I went home after that. I'm not going to wait at PRC for 4 hours. Besides, I'm itching to clean and trim my toenails... and that's what I did when I got home. 

After that, I accompanied my mom to the bank. We paid the remaining fees for my tuition fee. While waiting for her to finish her transaction, and old lady beside me asked me, "Miss, what's your number?" I told her that I'm not in line and I'm just waiting for my mum. Later on, I realized what she asked--in a 'pervy' kind of way-- and smiled. hahaha! It's kinda funny if you think about it in a 'pervy' way. You know.. an old lady asking ME what my number is. I would've told her that she's had a lot more than I am. BAHAHAHA. How immature of me.. Okay.. moving on.. I went back to PRC and claimed my renewed license. I didn't look as beautiful as my first picture in my first license. HAHAHA! But I'll get used to it. :))

Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym and then have my medical exam. DEFINE BUSY. Then on Friday, I'll be at the gym in the morning, then to the agency. And then at night, I'll be meeting my 2 friends, "Bilbo" and "Frodo." If you read my blog post last December, you'll know who they are. ;)

-F.M.W.

13 DAYS LEFT.

So.. today is Tuesday, the 17th of January and I only have 13 more days before I set foot to British soil. :D As a matter of fact, I dreamed that I was already at the airport UNPACKED and I was panic-packing there before we depart. Then, I met someone and we were talking about connecting and direct flights to London. It was weird! haha!

Anyway.. Mum and I went to the mall today to start buying the things I need. Most important of them all is the luggage. We bought one this afternoon and... I realized that having a stroller bag is not advisable to grade school students (particularly 1st-3rd grade), at least, for me. Of course they won't be having a luggage as their school bag but really.. I don't know why I LOVED having a stroller bag then. It pulls my arm away and then I have to pause before going up or down the stairs to lift the bag. Hassle. hrhr. (Okay. That was random. ^^)

After the luggage buying, we strolled the mall and looked for stores which sells coats. We've been to Zara, Topshop, DP, took a peek at Gap then we went into Debenhams. I don't intend to buy trench coat YET so I was actually looking for a shorter coat. Then we found a black coat. At least I think it's a coat. But I am searching online right now and it says that it is a jacket. Aah! I don't know what it is. It looks like a coat to me. Whatever. And then I had it fit and damn! I was perspiring whilst fitting it. Cloths are thick and it was really hot (well that's because I live in a tropical country and it's not very cold right now even if it is January and January is one of the cold months we have). I kind of understand now why people who experience winter doesn't like winter. hehe. And then we also bought boots. It's cute actually. The color is grey and I am excited to wear it. :D

Those were what we bought first. The must-haves. I believe it's still winter in England when I arrive there and I need those. My remaining 2 weeks would be a series of shopping for essentials. :) OH! I need  some school supplies, too. heh. I'm back to being a student. 

-F.M.W.

Amazing Monday

This morning, I got up and made pancakes. I was supposed to make them last Saturday but then my mum cooked spaghetti and the kitchen's too crowded and I got lazy. heh. Anyway, it was strawberry flavored and it was yummy! Not to be biased but it's true. My cousin and aunt says so too. :) 

At 12noon, I checked my phone and received a text message from my agency saying that I was granted a visa already and that my flight will be on the 30th of January. I was extremely happy! Since my cousin, aunt and brother were at home, I told them that and they were shocked. Maybe because of the date because.. well, yes. It's 2 weeks from now. But I can not blame the agency because classes will start on February 6 and that's the week after my flight. Actually, I think coming to England (High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire to be exact) a week before classes start would be really okay. Of course I'd be jet-lagged big time and I have to unpack my things and set them to my.. new room/home.. Also, I have to be familiar with my new surroundings-- see the University and the place of my work if possible and tour a little. Maybe go to London, too. Anyway, it's just 40 minutes away from where I'll be.

ANYWAY. I was so excited that I texted my friends and they were all giving me the sad texts and sad emoticon. And as expected, I will be meeting all of them before I leave.  Actually, I don't know how to squeeze thru my schedule right now because I still have lots of things to do. I have to go the PRC and see if I can renew my license as early as now, have a medical exam, pay the remaining fees, buy things I need (y'know.. clothes, shoes.. etc.). Also, I have to go the gym. ;) Must abuse it while I'm still here. ;)

I'll be having busy days ahead.

-F.M.W.

Happy 2012!

It's 1:55am on the 1st of January 2012 and I'm blogging. Blogging at the start of the year!!! HA! Well, I can't sleep yet so maybe this will help me drain all my energy and sleep after.

It's already 2012!! At least, to some countries like Australia, Japan, Philippines (where I am), Guam, Malaysia, Singapore and other Asian countries. To those countries whose calendars are still set on 2011, well... we are the future. And nothing's changed. No flying cars yet. heh.

My family welcomed 2012 the usual way. We don't really go somewhere else. We just get out of the house, join my grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins, make noise, light some firecrackers and look at aerial fireworks if there's any (and as the years go by, there has been a lot of aerial fireworks that we see in our village). After that, we go back inside our houses and sleep. It's the usual thing and it's become pretty boring for me actually. I want to experience a different kind of celebrating New Year. Like the one's in Timesquare, NY where the ball will drop. Or the one in Sydney, Paris, London... Or if not that, celebrate it with all my friends and their other friends.. And then have someone kiss me at 12mn. (I'm being over-sentimental since yesterday. Don't ask me why. I don't know either.) That. I want that. 

I just want things to change this year. And if I celebrate it like that, I have this thought that everything will really change. Maybe it's too movie-like but don't we all wish that too? I know it's not just me. ;)

Wow. This turned out to be a very sappy post. This is what happens when you know that you have to sleep but you can't sleep and so you write some stuff like this. Anyway, all of these are things that has been running in my mind every new year's eve. I feel like I need to write it down for.. emotional release. lolol Alright, I have to end this now. My brain's shutting down and it is evident by all of the things I just typed in the last two paragraphs.

Happy New Year darlings!

-F.M.W.

♫ A Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! ♫

Christmas is over and New Year is just in a few days. Actually, just 2 more days! I am going to say that I am excited for 2012. I can feel that it's going to be a very great year for me. And maybe for others, too. 

2011 has not been very good to me. I've been cranky most of the time because of some factors (better not say it). But it's a part of me and still, there were some things that made this year a good one and I want to remember it. So I'll go back at the start of the year and try to recall what happened to me at that time.

JANUARY 2011- MARCH 2011.

What I did most at this month was learn to drive. Mum was going to buy a car and someone must learn immediately so the car can be used. My uncle and elder cousin taught me how to drive. They even accompanied me and my mum when we bought the car last February 18. And on the last week of February, mum enrolled me in a driving school (although I can already drive, thanks to my uncle and cousin) and on the first week of March, I got my driver's license! Ever since that time, I was the 'driver' of our family (it's just me, my mum and my brother). My brother got his student driver's license (upto now) but he can't still drive alone. This was also the time when my mum allowed me to bring the car to my friend's house but she told me that I am not allowed to go anywhere else except there. But my friends were very pushy and we ended up going to Eastwood City, Libis. hrhr. And lastly, I turned 22 on the 31st of March! Mum and I went to the grocery in the morning and bought a cake and a shirt. Then I went home and celebrated it with my relatives while watching an Azkals game. haha! Oh! I also met people who are fans of Azkals. heehee.

APRIL 2011- JUNE 2011.

Since I was already an Azkals fan at this time, my new found friends and I went to the Meet and Greet with James and Phil Younghusband at Greenbelt 5 last April 2. And really, I HAD FUN. Seeing my football player crush was probably the best gift ever. Not only did I see him (and his brother), but they also signed autographs for me, I was able to hug them both and boy, I won't forget that little 'quiz' for the fans to test if they know the Younghusband brothers. Whoever answers the question right will get a price and the price will be given by either James or Phil. The host asked what is James' favorite movie. I raised  my hand but the host called someone else first. I was actually wishing that he/she (I can't remember) will give the wrong answer and he/she did! hahaha! So I raised my hand again and the host called me and I went closer to the host and answered Titanic. I was right!!! Well, I know I was right. Anyway, James gave me the price and then he pulled me closer for a hug and then kissed me on the cheek. *lefaint* I heard the kiss sound baby! I was in a daze after that and I was smiling from ear to ear. hahaha! 

My family on my mother's side also went out on a weekend 'vacation.' We were almost complete and it was fun! We went to a beach in Laiya, Batangas and we had lots of foooooods!!! I even experienced Banana Boat. haha! It was scary and exciting at the same time but I don't think I'll do it again. My cousin accidentally hit my left eye when we were  thrown in the water. :))

Moving on... this was also the time when my love for books was rekindled. See, I didn't had the time to read books when I was in college because of so many things to do as a student nurse and I was lucky I got to read the Twilight  novels (but it was on my senior year). Anyway... It was Holy Wednesday and I went to a book store and bought Fallen. I bought it because the cover looks really good and the synopsis was interesting. I also went off internet for 1 week because it's a Holy Week and I needed something to do (and to forget all the sadness since me and my friends had a falling out). This was also the time when we used our car during the Visita Iglesia and I drove. It was vey tiring. My legs hurt!

On May, we did a lot of preparations for my grandmother's 80th birthday and it was a success! I got to see my grandfather's (my grandma's husband) brothers and sisters, my aunts and uncles and 2nd cousins! I never knew that our family on my mother's side is THAT big. 

By the end of the month, I reconciled with my friend. We were... uhm... enemies for over a year and things got better between us. And on June, well.. This was  a sad month. A lot of people passed away at this month and I always ended up going to a funeral. It's been a quiet month. Oh, and I still read. I mean, I don't think I'll ever stop reading since my love for books was rekindled. :)

JULY 2011-SEPTEMBER 2011.

As I recall, nothing much happened during these months. All I did was go to the gym, look for work, and celebrate my brother's birthday. On September, I started attending review classes for IELTS and it was also the same month when I learned that I can study overseas.

OCTOBER 2011-DECEMBER 2011.

I got a new phone. My Sony Ericsson W910i gave up on me. And then, I was still reviewing for my IELTS exam and I filed an exam for November. Pressure's on!

Also, I celebrated (?) Halloween at my aunt's house. This happens yearly. But my role there was just to chaperone my little cousins and niece and nephew as they go trick or treating. 

On November, well... Exam month. I am not going into details because I don't want to remember it. haha! But, well.. I am eligible to study overseas. That is what matters! And I am really excited about it. :D :D

This December, I went back to the gym. I gained weight during my review classes so.. I have to burn them all! I also get to see my 2 boy friends after almost a year of not seeing each other. It was fun. Then there's the Simbang Gabi (Misa de Gallo). I am proud to say that I completed it. :D I wasn't able to complete it last year because of reasons and I regret it. I am very happy that I completed it this year. 

And this Christmas, we went to my aunt's house...with my mother! She never went there during Christmas and it was a shock to most of my relatives when they saw my mum there. hehe. She's even planning to go there on January 1st! O.O

But what is really memorable for me this month is that my braces have been removed! After 10 years and 8 months of having them glued on my teeth. FINALLY! Later, I'm going back to the dentist to have my retainers. :D Soo excited!!

And there was my 2011. It wasn't really that exciting compared to last year. As I remember my friend, she called this year "uneventful" for her. And I have to agree with her. It was uneventful for me as well but there were still moments that I love about this year. Such as reconciling with my friend (friend for almost 13 years!) I understood what bringing your pride down and forgiveness meant this year. And that is something that I learned.

Looking forward to 2012!

-F.M.W.

Last Friday Night

Last Friday, I went out with 2 of my best boy friends in the world--I'm not exaggerating. Okay. Maybe a little.. A little more. Anyway, one of them celebrated his birthday and one of them was something more to me (let's call him Frodo. And the other one would be Bilbo. Excuse me for the code names. The trailer of The Hobbit just got out so...). See, we all started out as co-trainees in a hospital over a year ago. There were 15 of us in one shift and I was close to all of them but after our short-lived training, I grew closer to these 2 boys. We hang out, apply for jobs and text/call each other every day. Also, they have seen me at my worst and they didn't go anywhere. They are literally the bestest boy friends I have.

So about Frodo. I really didn't think he'd be that special to me. He was not just the best boy friend. He is something more... special. It all started when some jerk broke my heart (and I will not go into details because it sounds rather cheesy and annoying and I realized how stupid I was) and Frodo and Bilbo were there. But it was Frodo who I talked to a lot and he was the one who listened to my heart broken speeches (which I am now so ashamed of) and he didn't go anywhere. He stayed. So as Bilbo. But Bilbo is more of a brother to me. Going back, I let my walls down every time Frodo and I talked. So I guess he saw the real me. Well, I was really letting him know me even more. I just felt that we have this connection and also, he understands me and sometimes we are both immature (we have the same age, btw). We just get each other. For the passing weeks we were like that. Me ranting, him listening. But he always makes me laugh and the next thing I know is I'm so excited to talk to him on Facebook (even if we are texting like all day!) and it eventually lead to us meeting (the three of us. Bilbo included.) at least twice a week every week, sometimes every other week. And then all I know is that I was looking forward to seeing him and I'm starting to like him. Every time I see him, my feelings towards him gets stronger. I am liking him more and more. D'ya know what I mean? For sure you have experienced this--if you have fallen in love with someone.

Then my friends noticed how close and sweet we both are becoming. They insisted that Frodo likes me too. And I don't want to consider it like that because I am avoiding liking a boy so much that the next thing that can happen is me, falling in love with him and then I'll find out that he doesn't 'love' me the way I love him and boom! I'm trapped again. At that time, I just got out of a trap and Frodo helped me get out of it. I don't want to be trapped again.. Not because of him. So I just enjoyed what we have at that time. As cheesy as it may sound, I treasured the times we spent together. Dear heavens, I even saved his text messages and read it at night!

This went on for 5 months, I think. Then by January this year, it started to fade away. Maybe because we were all busy with our own lives and Bilbo moved so we didn't have the chance to hang out as much as before. We rarely exchange text messages too! I was a bit sad about it but that's how it is. I was glad that they remembered my birthday and demand (YES! DEMAND!) that the 3 of us go out. But it never happened. haha! 

We haven't seen each other from January 2011 til last week. And when I saw them I hugged them. I missed them. As for Frodo, I tried to be casual about the hug. When I was with them last Friday, everything was the same. We (Frodo and I) still have those immature moments. And Bilbo (btw, I told him that I like Frodo) made me sit beside Frodo. I don't know if it's intentional or not but I tried to sit beside him but it's like he has this power over the reserved chair beside him which is just for his stuff. So I had no choice but to sit beside Frodo.

There were 2 moments between me and Frodo that I can't stop thinking about. First was when we were at National Book Store and he bought something and had it gift wrapped there. We stayed there for an hour because the ladies who were doing the gift wrapping thing are too slow. Anyway, it's just that.. it's like before. Me and him that close, making fun of other people, picking up holiday greeting cards and reading them and laugh about it just to pass the time. We even argued whether to put a ribbon on the wrapped gift. He wanted to put a ribbon and I said no and I was backed up by Bilbo and their other friend (who joined us) but Frodo wants what he wants. We just shook our heads in disbelief. :))

The 2nd one was before I went home. They didn't want me to go home yet though they know that I can't stay. Frodo pulled me towards them, sort of like dragging, but I resisted. Then the next thing was a blur. He stopped pulling me and I went a little farther away from them and then Frodo walked towards me and hugged me and I think he also pecked me on the cheek. I was shocked. That was the first time it happened. After him, Bilbo did the same then we bid our goodbyes and I promised that I'll see them next year before I set foot on my dream home. Really, I couldn't stop thinking about that. Sometimes I giggle over it before I sleep and then the saying "You never really stop caring or loving someone whom you loved so dearly" applies.

So that's it! I just wanted to let this all out because I think I'm going mad every time I think about this before I doze off. And I hope to God that HE (Frodo) doesn't find this post! Or I'll die.

-F.M.W.